WHY, WHY, WHY??? Why does my parents have to criticize me all the time?? Sometimes i feel like i need a very long break, a break that will last forever perhaps death. Ever since, i was criticized back when i was in elementary until now why can't they just STOP?? I had several attempts to commit suicide, but i didn't i tell myself that i need to go on and prove to people that i can do it. I been laughed, teased, picked on, etc... many times, now i feel like this is the year, this is the time, this is the time for me to step out of the box and stand out! Unfortunately, every year i stand by this, not doing anything that i promised myself. I wanted so many things in life, but only 1 or 2 things actually come true. I grew up in a hardworking family, working since i was only 6 years old. Working for my parents for over 10+ years yet making way under the state minimum wages. I never asked for much just some time for me to spend with my friends is this wrong??

I want to escape away from this world and travel somewhere where no one was to criticize me anymore. A time for me to start over and begin a new life. I wanted to major in computer engineer, but i heard it was difficult and i gave up.... WHY DO PEOPLE GIVE UP SO EASILY?? WHY, WHY, WHY?? I want the answer to my questions. Criticism is good, but a lot is not. I believe that the world is traveling too fast and it needs to slow down. I need someone that can answer my questions open up my heart to share thoughts, ideas, and Love with me. I need help.

Why does the world doesn't wait for you when you are down?? My parents doesn't understand me how i feel when even they criticize me. Never in this world had ever step into my shoes and walked the path i took. I just want happiness, love, laughter, and someone there just for me when i most need it. My parents never supported me in any way that i wanted them too. They didn't care what i did or what my plan was, or what i ate or when i got a really bad stomach ache. Instead, they love to yell at me, not supporting or helping me. My parents always wanted me to earn more money, a better future, a husband and kids, but they don't understand how hard it is now in the modern time. They always compared me to my older sister things like: weight, voice, talent, smart, practically everything. I wished they could stop comparing me and my sister. I wish they could not criticize me just treat me the way i am and equally to the same way how they treat me sister.

HAHAHAHA..... I can't believe that my life is so stupid and no one can feel what i feel like. I wanted to do things extraordinary, influencing, Honorable, AWAKEN.

I Need answers and i need help. But, all i need is some love, laughter, support, and someone that is there to help me get back up when i fell.

Finally i am going to buy a XBOX ELITE!! YAY. I finally decided to get one because of the new game DRAGON AGE.... this is one of many reasons why i want a freaken XBOX!!! I am so excited, so i decided to get if for myself as a christmas gift hahaha.. Well anyways if anyone reads this give me some advices on what games to buy over christmas or thanksgiving especially BLACK FRIDAY! I so can't wait... I can't wait to get the dragon age game.....

Seriously, i been having dreams and designs where to put my XBOX at, and my TV!! I plan to buy a 37" flat screen TV and i am going to install it on my wall..... when i told my parents and older sister that i was going to buy a xbox elite as a christmas gift for myself , they all said "Whay can't you buy a Wii?" So funny i said no because there were not very good games to buy so might as well buy a game console with hella games! <3

So excitd yay,yay,yay,yay,yay,yay,yay,yay,yay,yay!

Yesterday i had the problems of my old depression symptoms. I wanted to commit suicide that day yet no one will no nor care about me if i was here or not. I wanted to die on my bed surronded by my beloved stuff animals. i wanted to slit my wrist and let the blood drain away and die, yet hugging my most loved stuff animal bird named fifi. i was ready laying on my bed surronded by my most beloved stuff animals looking at me with happiness. I had my blade ready to cut... 1....2...., yet i stopped.

i asked myself why the hell did i stop? i couldn't answer it myself because i saw my dad's closed door it reminded me only he loved me still. My sister and mom had lost love for me i am alone left their to die. I wanted to see light to heaven. No, no lights were there only my night light. Yet its another day already yet no one ever cared. Me and my dad got cut when one of the lids of the pot exploded when washing dishes and only my mom and sis asked him if he was ohkay yet no one asked me if i was ohkay. At that point i wanted to take one of the broken peices of glass and just cut and die. I didnt i continue to hold back my thought surpassing them. Hoping for the best to come but nothing, darkness rose and love died off. I cant continue anymore without the love that i need in order to continue. I shouldve died years ago when i first noticed depression in myself. No one asked or cared how i felt.

I need the urge of courage to commit suicide and leave this world so i can be alone. Yet i stayed i feel so stupid. I cannot see anything only darkeness and blood. i really want to scream by a ocean or at least a lake or river. I might as well jump in and drown. leaving all things behind and leaving this world..........Death can only do that in my case.